The Gramma Sutra

Tell Us Your Secrets . . . and Listen to Ours!

Ever wanted to be published?  Think your sexploits should be immortalized in prose?  Do you have that overriding desire to rhapsodize about your most sensual life experiences, and to share your hard-earned sexual advice with the world . . . even if it's just anonymously?

Well, now you can!

Log on to The Definitive and Defiantly Funny Online Guide to Sex and discover your true sexuality @ TheGrammaSutra.com, a new social networking website designed expressly for women ages 50+.

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We will NEVER share any of your personal information with anyone . . . period!

This means any email address you provide to us will not be revealed on the website, nor will it be sold, traded or given away to any third party — ever.

If you do provide us with an email address, we will hold it in confidence, and use it only for official Gramma Sutra communications; e.g. to send you our quarterly The Gramma Sutra e-Newsletter.

You can ask for us to remove your email address at any time by simply sending us a request at [email protected] with the word "Remove" in the subject line.

Any and all comments left on this website are moderated before they appear publicly.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave a public Comment, below, or send us a private note at [email protected].

Sexpert, Shmexpert

So, I'm having a chat with a few friends the other day and round about the second pitcher of margaritas the concept of experts came up.  Sally had a termite expert, Cecilia was seeing a paint specialist, and Muir (yes, her parents were old school hippies) was engaged in an expert menage a trois -- seeing an orthopedist, an ayuverdic specialist, and a hair color expert . . . due to the unfortunate cinnamon highlights debacle.

Well, needless to say, these ladies all wanted to know about the perfect expert for their boudoir issues.  You know -- the Houdini of Hooha, the Know it all of Naughty, the Sultan of Sex.  They turned to me, eyes wide, glasses full, ready to hear what The Gramma Sutra had to say about the expert sexpert.

Nothing.  The Gramma Sutra's got nothing.

Here's the thing:  we at the Gramma Sutra go far and wide, and sometimes deep and dark, to bring you the most interesting, intriguing and informative information that's out there.  We consult doctors, therapists, counselors, lawyers, sex guides, websites, books and videos and more to bring you information that can help you have a longer, lustier, love life.

Honestly, somethings we would rather not have learned . . . but, over all, there is not a stone or vibrator that we would not have left unturned, or turned off, in our quest. Throughout our exhaustive search we've discovered the undisputed number one sex expert in the country.

YOU!

Yes, it's you. You are the sexpert you've been waiting for.  Let's face it, only you know what you like and don't like.  Only you know what your deepest fantasies are.  And, only you have the power to make your sex life whatever you want it to be.

So, while you're reading The Gramma Sutra or visiting our website, remember all of this info is to make you into your own personal Sex Guru . . . and, while you're at it, share some tips along the way.

The Gramma Sutra welcomes input all the time, but please, please keep the X-rated pictures at home.  Let's save something for the HBO special!

The girls were a little dissapointed but a third pitcher of margaritas, and I quickly realized I was in the company of some amazing Sex Guru's my ownself. Muir apparently is the Nadia Komenich of Glen Cove, Long Island.  Ladies, you live and live, and you learn!

A Woman's Guide to Reviving Sex Drive

As baby boomers age, more and more women report they've lost their sex drive. But experts say it may just be matter of knowing where to look.

Has the "free love" generation lost its mojo?

If you talk to baby boomer gals, it seems the answer is yes. Indeed, as millions of women enter perimenopause and then transgress to m...enopause and beyond, many say they check their sex drive at the door – and most are not happy about it."I don't think a day goes by when at least one patient – and usually more – complain that their sex drive is dropping off and want to know what they can do about it," says Laura Corio, MD, a gynecologist and clinical instructor at Mt. Sinai Medical Center in New York City

Clinically known as HSDD (hypoactive sexual desire disorder), Corio says she doesn't think more women are affected now than in the past, but she does believe more are coming forward -- prompted, at least in part, by the success male potency drugs like Viagra."The man gets a prescription for Viagra and and he's ready to rock and roll while she's thinking 'Hey, where's my pill?' If she's not ready to jump in the old van and join him for a ride, there can be real problems," says Corio.

See http://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/sex-drive-and-menopause

Sex and Aging — New Insights from The AARP

Sex and Aging - New Insights from The AARP

 

OK, so you've been around the block more than once — heck, more than a hundred times. But do you know everything you ought to know about sex? Here are some essential truths that every grown-up person should embrace:

 

The people with the best all-around sex lives aren't swinging singles — they're the boring, married ones.

That people in monogamous marriages have the richest sex lives is not just theory but quantifiable fact. According to a National Bureau of Economic Research study, "The happiness-maximizing number of sexual partners in the previous year is calculated to be one."

What makes married sex so good? Says Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, director of the Medical Center for Female Sexuality in Purchase, N.Y: "There is a great deal to be said for really knowing what turns your partner on, for knowing you can say or do what you want, and also knowing there will be another time soon to try that new thing again, even if it didn't work the first time around."

 

The older women get, the sexier they feel.

One reason women feel hotter as they get older: With the fear of pregnancy behind them, and children growing up, women feel free to devote their bodies to their own physical pleasure. Another reason: "Women have to learn about their bodies, which are more complicated than male bodies, and that takes time and experience," says Dr. Helen Fisher, a research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University. What's more, there's a large emotional component in a woman's sexual response, and that may take time to develop too.

 

What you say can be as pivotal to passion as what you do.

Researchers have found that words can have as powerful an influence as actions on the quality of your sex life. Telling your lover a secret right before sex, for instance, creates a feeling of intimacy that can enhance the physical experience. Want your erotic messages to have maximum impact? Whisper them in your partner's left ear, where emotionally charged words connect better, according to research by Teow-Chong Sim of Sam Houston State University.

 

Good looks don't necessarily make for good sex.

"Maybe there's a woman in your office who guys think is 'hot, hot, hot' and she can say, 'I have no desire, none, nada. I couldn't care less if I never had sex again,'" Bat Sheva Marcus says. "Then you have one of my favorite patients, a 60-year-old, cute but average, chubby single woman who is currently carrying on an affair with a 30-year-old, a 42-year-old and her lover of 32 years, a 65-year-old pianist. You would never know!"

 

Sex is a need, not a luxury.

We're all so busy, there's a tendency to put sex way down on our ever-present lists of things to do, somewhere above cleaning out the garage . . . but below taking the poodle to the groomer and deciding what to have for dinner. And that's a mistake.

"Many long-married couples see sex as, 'Oh, it would be nice, but I don't have time for that anymore,'" says Christine Bertrand Hyde, a sex therapist in Chester, N.J. "But you make time for chatting with your friends, for getting manicures, for going out to the theater. Couples need to make the time for romance. It's the best thing they can do for their relationship."

Humorous Online Sex Guide for Women 50+ Launched – TheGrammaSutra.com

For release:  IMMEDIATE

Contact:  Sylvana Joseph ~ (504)250-5024 or [email protected]

 

 

Humorous Online Sex Guide for Women 50+ Launched –

TheGrammaSutra.com

 

JULY 26, 2010, PHILADELPHIA:  Millions of women Baby Boomers can now log on to The Definitive and Defiantly Funny Online Guide to Sex to discover their true sexuality on The Gramma Sutra (www.TheGrammaSutra.com), a new social networking website designed expressly for women ages 50+.

Inspired by the ancient Hindu classic, The Kama Sutra, TheGrammaSutra.com delivers infotainment on the psychology and physiology of sex for women over 50, and offers tips and humorous insights on:  Dressing for Sexcess; Dating & Entertaining for the newly single; Props & Playthings (yes, those kinds of toys); Sexercise Routines; and, of course, Gramma Sutra Illustrations of sexual positions – mindful of the conditions that women are likely to experience as they age.  The site also serves as an online community for mature women (see the “Sun Porch”), enabling them to speak candidly and anonymously with one another on topics ranging from vaginal dryness during menopause to sex after a double mastectomy.

“Nothing is taboo or off-limits,” says website co-founder, Sylvana Joseph, a lawyer, journalist and public radio commentator.  “All those women who burned their bras in the ’60s (or wish they had) are still defying conventions, shattering expectations in their fifties, sixties and seventies.  TheGrammaSutra.com is the one place online where ladies of a certain age can go and get the facts they need about sex and ageing – definitive information, yes, medically grounded, and yet defiantly funny as well; where they can find out the secrets to living longer, healthier and randier lives; and where they can interact with women just like them in a safe and nurturing environment.”

“These are not the stereotypes of older women so often depicted in the popular media,” says site co-founder J.G. Sandom, Web entrepreneur and author.  “Boomer women control a net worth of $19 trillion, and own more than three-fourths of the nation’s financial wealth.  Over the next decade, they’ll be the beneficiaries of the largest transference of wealth in history – with estimates ranging from $12 to $40 trillion.”

“Women not only account for 85% of all consumer purchases,” adds Sandom, “everything from autos to health care, but they also represent the majority of the online market, with 22% of them shopping online at least once a day.  They’re hungry for information on subjects that impact their lives in a meaningful way, including sex, and they’re increasingly going online to find it.  It’s no accident that the popularity of social networking sites is growing most quickly amongst women 55+, with more than 1.5 million female users on Facebook alone – a 550+ percent increase from six months ago.”  (By comparison, Facebook membership among people younger than 25 grew by less than 20 percent over the same period.)

“We are already in discussion with major advertisers about site sponsorship opportunities, and our agent is talking with publishers about a book deal.  Let’s face it.  Women of a certain age are an overlooked demographic powerhouse, difficult to reach using traditional media.  But they buy self-help books, and they’re going online in increasing numbers.  TheGrammaSutra.com represents a significant advertising opportunity to a broad array of advertisers -- from pharma to financial services.”

According to the U.S. Census, there are around 80 million Baby Boomers in the United States, with almost 8,000 people turning 60 every day.  When you combine Boomers with members of the Greatest and so-called Silent Generations (i.e. pre-Boomers), the size of the 50+ population jumps to more than 110 million, or around one third of the entire U.S. population . . . and more than half of these are women.  American women over fifty are the healthiest, wealthiest and most active generation of women in history – and that means sexually active as well.  In fact, researchers for AARP have found that 85% of those 60+ have some sort of intimate experience at least once a week.

For Women of a Certain Age.  The site is the brainchild of J.G. Sandom, considered the “father of interactive (i.e. Net) advertising,” who founded the nation’s first interactive ad agency (Einstein and Sandom Interactive – EASI) back in 1984, and Sylvana Joseph, a writer and public radio commentator.

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Menopause can cause which of these symptoms?

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What is a prolapsed uterus?

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Twenty years ago, the average female fashion model weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today, how much less does she weigh?

 

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Sit a spell...

Need some advice?  Embarrassed, confused or conflicted about the 50+ dating scene.  Want help, but have no one to turn to?

Turn to your sisters within the Gramma Sutra community!  Sit a spell on the Sun Porch.

We care about what you think.

Let us know what’s on your mind, and weighing on your heart.  Tell us your secrets, your fears, your joys, your fantasies and dreams.  Tell us your love stories.

We'll answer back with the best advice we can muster.  And we invite all GrammaSutrians to take a moment and share the benefit of their experience and wisdom as well.

When we get a particularly interesting letter, with your permission, we'll share it here on the Sun Porch, and urge you to comment upon it.  (e.g. Facing Breast Cancer, below.)

Don't forget to nominate someone for GrammaSutrian of the Week.  (Winners will be featured on the Home Page, and listed in a special section of the site!)

Click on Comments, below.  Or, if you want to reach us in confidence, feel free to drop us a line at [email protected].

 

[COMING SOON:  Friends!  Yes, soon you will be able to:  "friend" other GrammaSutrians; share your profile; send private email messages; see what GrammaSutra.com posts your friends think are the best (i.e. what's on their "favorites" list).]

 

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Facing Breast Cancer

This letter came in through our email address.  We felt compelled to share it with you.  Anyone who has ever faced breast cancer and the prospect of losing one or both breasts should read this fine essay by ZED.

 

I was never particularly ashamed or proud of my body.  Sex always began in my head.  A clever turn of phrase piqued my interest much more quickly than a pretty face or body.  I looked for partners who had nice hands, agile minds and confidence.  I have never met a man with nice hands who wasn’t also a sensitive toucher.  And once my head was engaged, I loved touching.  Agile minds respond to changing needs.  And only men with confidence can maintain performance while meeting their partner’s needs.  I loved to have my nipples stroked, tweaked, pinched, sucked or barely brushed.  If my head was my engine, my nipples were the rudders.  And handled appropriately, they led me to a strong and satisfying orgasm.

 

I went through two marriages.  I stopped enjoying sex with both of my husbands before the marriages finally ended.  So began my love of masturbation.  I was a bit ashamed that I enjoyed sex more with myself than I did with my husbands, but, there you have it.  I masturbated on a regular basis.  I had fantasies.  Sometimes I used toys.  And I always played with my nipples.

 

Sexual partners seemed to thin out after my second marriage.  I have no idea where they all went, but I suspect they were drinking from the twenty to thirty year old pool.  Mandate for procreation, and all that jazz.  Many young women look for financial security, so it’s hard to blame them.  I was just in a difficult logistical group.  Oddly, although I missed the intimacy of being with a partner I enjoyed and respected (I’m trying to remember the last time that happened), I did not feel cheated or desperate.

 

And then the proverbial bomb dropped.  Having two parents who had lived through cancer, I really shouldn’t have been surprised.  But it’s different when it  happens.  From the day the first nurse confirmed my fear with one look, I had precious little time to decide what to do.  And way too much information to decide wisely.  It was a bit like figuring out which route is best at the top of Victoria falls.  Some approaches are undoubtedly better than others, but one way or another, you are going over the falls.  You are going down.

 

The options were not at all appealing.  I could keep both breasts, but have one that could be ‘a bit’ malformed.  I could eradicate both of the assassins!   Or I could opt with the conservatively aggressive approach of having one breast removed.  I wasn’t thinking at the time about sex.  Or sexiness.  Or any other part of my body.  Fear sharpened the edges of my awareness and honed the necessity of my decisions.  So, I opted to have one breast off.  I couldn’t quite come to terms with cutting off a part of my body that had no sickness in it.

 

For the next two years, I had multiple surgeries.  I decided that one breast was really no good to me at all – especially when it came time for my next mammogram.  “Off with it!”  I cried.  And they took it.  And part of my back to make the reconstruction possible.  It was painful and confusing. But I opted for the reconstruction because, otherwise, I could never look good in clothing again.  I don’t think I ever deluded myself that my new breasts would be anything other than props.  My own reconstruction didn’t go particularly well – partially because of an infection I developed after my first surgery.  Despite attempts to tweak and create nipples, to even out my ‘mounds,’ and to make them seem more attractive, they remain Shelleyesque monsters to me.  Scarred, lopsided and one severely dented, they do serve their purpose . . . but only just.

 

I have seen many other reconstructions that look amazing.  Very real and quite natural to the touch.  I was truly amazed by women’s willingness to show me their reconstructed breasts.  I was dragged into a gas station restroom once by a complete stranger.  She noticed my discomfort when I was pumping gas, guessed right away what I was going through, and decided that I really needed a boost – a look ahead to see what was possible.  And again at Nordstrom’s, and at Macy’s.  Without exception, they all insisted that I touch and kneed their breast.  They wanted me to know how they would look and feel.  At Nordstrom’s, a beautiful woman kept me in the dressing room for a full half hour showing me the difference between her two breasts replacements – one of which was filled from her tummy fat.  The other was a saline implant.  Women.  Strangers.  But they knew my fears, my insecurities and the awful mental state of physical metamorphosis.  They were so willing to share.  It is truly amazing.  Women are truly amazing.

 

I am grateful for my lumps – imperfect as they are.  Without them, I don’t think I would have been able to view my body in a positive way again.  During that period, the surgeries and reconstruction, I had a difficult time looking at myself in the mirror.  They created my ‘pseudo nipples’ by twisting the skin.  Later, I went for a session of tattooing.  But my breasts were so uneven that I didn’t think I wanted to draw attention to them by painting the bull’s-eyes on different latitudes.  Finally, the realization settled that, no matter how many tries, I was not going to fit into that parallel parking spot.  Instead, I decided to make my whole body better.  I turned to a place I had avoided for most of my adult life – the gym.  I want my body to be as strong as I feel in my head.  So, even though my lumps have issues, my overall physical strength and athleticism are back.  And that, to me, is sexy.

 

What about sex?  I hadn’t dared to look at it during the ordeal.  Would it ever play a role in my life again?

 

Once I dared to think again about sex, it was a kind but distant stranger.  My nipples, my friendly little sex puppies, were gone.  My medications dulled my senses and made me feel old and creaky.  But the biggest blow, of course, was to my mind.  My sexual engine.  It was stalled in what seemed to be a permanent stall.  I could talk about finding a man – who wasn’t already fishing in the twenty to thirty pool, who wasn’t married, who wasn’t gay, and who, of course, would be interested in a woman with breast implants and no nipples.  Guys will tell you they don’t really care about breasts or nipples.  But they lie.  They spend most of their lives searching for the perfect breast to suck.  And I was no longer on the shelf in that market.  I couldn’t help seeing myself as damaged goods in a market already flooded with millions of qualified candidates.

 

Today, my mind is no longer numb.  My chest and part of my back will, I think, be forever numb.  I am always conscious of the tensions and weight of my implants.  And, thanks to the Effexor I take to control the hot flashes that now thrive in part due to the chemotherapy, my sexual urges are diminished.

 

But, I am ready to engage again.  I’m open and curious.  I know it can’t be how it was before.  But I am sure that there are interesting avenues available to me.  It is all a matter of letting my head lead.  And . . . it’s peeking around the corner.

by ZED

 

 

 

Have you had a similar experience?  Want to Comment on this post?  Share your insights with your Gramma Sutra sisters.  Click on Comments, below, and tell us what you feel.

Couples who live in countries where men have a more dominant status over women report less sexual satisfaction.

 

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Couples who enjoy more equality between the sexes are more satisfied with their sex lives.

 

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What percentage of affluent single women tourists visiting the coast of Kenya are coming there for . . . sex?

 

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How many Chinese men will find themselves lacking wives in 2020, according to the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences?

 

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Caregivers in Copenhagen have determined that pornography and prostitutes have a greater calming effect on their elderly patients than traditional medical treatments, such as drug therapy.

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At the famous Indian temples of Khajuraho, what percentage of the carved figures are erotic?

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Men in their fifties are "more satisfied" with their sex lives than men in their thirties and forties.

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Biography

The Gramma Sutra

  

  

Dispensing definitive (and defiantly funny) advice about sex to women of a certain age

 

I've been dispensing advice on sex for as long as I can remember, which is a lot.  My writing is syndicated across a number of major webzines such as Vibrant Nation, and has been featured in numerous print publications, including Women's Day, the Miami Herald, Travel & Leisure, the Times-Picayune, Paris Match, and even on NPR! 

In a study measuring sexual attitudes among 70 year old Swedes between 1971 and 2001, the number of married women reporting sexual intercourse increased by what percentage?

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How many 75 - 85 year olds are still having sex?

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For the Directors of Senior Centers - Do You Distribute Contraceptives to Your Residents?

Are you the Director or Manager of a Senior Center, Retirement or Managed Care facility?

We want to know what you think!

Please answer the following question (#1), and as many others as you have the time to answer.

Question #1

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What percentage of Americans 60+ have an "intimate encounter" at least once a week

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What percentage of those sixty and older believe "sex should be left to the young"?

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More Boomers, Silent and Greatest Generation GrammaSutrians are having sex tonight than teenagers and twenty-somethings!

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There are over 78 million Baby Boomers in the US. Each day, how many people turn sixty in this country?

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